Dating other grad students

Before my current bf I dated a man that was not in school and even though he was understanding, he couldn't fully relate to my "work" problems or complaints. I think "in-dating" is just like "out-dating" - endogamy or exogamy - it's still dating and either way comes with issues and benefits.


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No different than "workplace romances", and carries the same caveats - most people do it, and if you're going to do it, be smart about it. For people moving to new cities, I'm surprised it isn't just accepted as fact that it will happen - you're most likely to see these people more than anyone else. This is so very true! It's like the experience is demanding in such a way that you develop a survivor's bond with your peers. And even if there are mostly women in your program, I bet that widening your circle will lead to Mr.

I have noticed that there are a good number of professionals and academics that are married to others in their field. I wonder how many met in grad school. I am not usually friends with the ex's, either, so this is something to keep in mind. This gives me hope. I'm glad you pointed out the need for some separation, too. I guess a big concern for me, and perhaps others, is that as a grad student, you're at the beginning stages of a career.

You don't have the years of reputation or goodwill to insulate you from any mishaps, in fact you are laying the seeds for it at GS. So a screaming match with the SO in study group I've seen it happen may be detrimental to more than your relationship.

On dating and engineering - Nathalia Peixoto - TEDxGeorgeMasonU

In reality, most of us have better control that this, but love makes you do dumb, dumb things. That being said, I'm have no desire to be single until I'm 45 just because I'm dedicated to my work and need to uphold a reputation! Although I haven't seen any really crazy stuff e. I think I can differentiate someone's social and professional life, even if they mix up sometimes. For example, at conferences or other social activities, I see people sometimes overindulging perhaps. But that doesn't make me think "oh well, so-and-so likes to get drunk, his or her research must not be that great", or "wow this presenter looks like they are having a hangover, no need to listen then!

The dangers to yourself I think are more important than your reputation, for dating in the same department, I think e. I think outside of department is probably the same as dating a non-student, except with the benefit of them understanding grad school life. What about people who date before entering grad school and are in the same field? I don't think anyone will purposely avoid applying to the same programs as their partners! I think it's not off-limits, and it is about the way you go about it.

I plan on forming friendships and dating while in graduate school, in part because I haven't had a lot of opportunity to make social connections and date in the past few years due to a lot of hopping around the world. Now, I'm not going to be actively pursuing my local grad students, and I can see how someone who appears more focused on dating than on school might not come off too well in the eyes of their peers.

I'm just saying that if the opportunity to date presents itself, I'm not going to say "nope, I'm focusing solely on school right now". I think in general that in terms of "rules", the same biases apply as dating in the workplace.

What Do We Think About Dating other Grad Students? - Officially Grads - The GradCafe Forums

Women can sometimes be looked down on for dating within the workplace, more so than men, or are seen as less "serious" for dating because its assumed that they'll marry, have a family, and not continue working at the same pace as the men. This I think would especially be a concern for women in STEM fields or those pursuing tenure track positions. I don't think that I'd look at someone differently if they were dating vs single.

Now, the way that they were acting within their personal relationships might affect my view of them. Someone who dropped the ball on a group project because of relationship drama, for example, or who left a trail of broken hearts in their wake, or didn't really treat the other person well in the relationship, would not come off too well in my personal opinion of them based on how they treat people and responsibilities. So in that sense it's the way you go about personal relationships, the same as with anyone else you meet through any other circumstances.

I would probably avoid dating someone in the same department, mostly because I need space - and what would we have left to talk about?

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That said, I would probably tend towards someone with very similar interests and goals: But life happens, and I don't think it makes sense to go into grad school with excessively strict rules, but rather to have an open mind and use. I think it also depends on the size of the department; for example, a larger one would provide a helpful buffer of. I don't think it's wrong to date someone in the same department, assuming your department is reasonably-sized.

But dating someone in the same research group would be terribly awkward. It's happened in our department, and the people in question had to continue working together for years after they broke up. Our department shares a building with another department, which a lot of grad students I know have used as a source of people to date.

As for me, I will date outside of school I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone in your program, if it naturally happens, but I also wouldn't treat grad school as a matchmaking service. I wouldn't want to miss out on all the things my grad school has to offer by being stuck in the mindset that this is my "last opportunity to meet a large group of intellectual and ambitious people at once. My parents met in graduate school, married right before they received their PhDs, and now teach at the same school happy ending, essentially.

Their advice to me was that grad school is a great place to meet people but that it can be seriously difficult to find jobs in the same city if you do end up together after graduation. Plenty of their friends have had to make major sacrifices like being adjunct profs indefinitely in order to maintain their relationships. This is particularly bad considering the current job market.

Why Relationships Matter In Grad School: 5 Ways To Maintain

Just something to consider when thinking about marrying a fellow grad student. There shouldn't be a lot of problems dating within the program, though.


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  • But presuming the relationship was OK by your school's policy and your fields of research are separate enough that you are not going to infringe, you might be OK. You would have to think about how to ask her out directly, once, making it clear that you have no power over her and there would be no repercussions or hard feelings or pursuit if she said no. Or, better yet, hope that she asks you out! The first is answered most easily by "Check with HR". I have been to universities where the answer has been "Absolutely not under no circumstances", and some where the answer has been "As long as you're not in a supervisory position".

    In my mind, the biggest issue here is the potential power imbalance between the faculty member and the student, and the ability of the faculty member to influence her career and degree progress positively or negatively. That comes up most directly in the same department or in a direct supervisory role, but it could also crop up if you're in the same school. For example, if there are school-wide awards, fellowships, etc. Or if you're in a school where committees are often hybrids from several departments, etc.

    At the very least, it needs to be documented that it exists, and there should be a formal plan for how this isn't going to impact her progress. There also needs to be an acknowledgement in both your minds that this is a dynamic question - as your career and hers progress, it may be important to revisit the question and make sure no conflicts exist, and evaluate opportunities that come up in light of your relationship.

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    Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. Is it ethical to date a graduate student of the same university where you are a faculty member? Rodrigo de Azevedo 2 Kumar Kumar 1 5 7. It might be "frowned upon". What are the policies at your school? The answer seems specific to your universities policies. RichardErickson We live in a very dark age if ethics is decided by a school policy I know two Ph. This caused administrative headaches, since the adviser couldn't be a member of the committee that evaluates the thesis. But no one prohibited or prevented these relationships.

    I owe my existence to a not dissimilar arrangement. I don't feel unethical. If a university had a policy to not admit black students, it would be unethical for staff to follow that policy. If a university has no policy about, I dunno, helping old ladies across the road, it's stll ethical for staff to do that.

    Anyone know, if dating scan dating a fellow as a ph. To complications, there is it seems to date an entertaining fellow grad students have. But it's only for faculty and an undergrad, who moves colleges? Student can anybody share their phd and their future spouse by religion. Ken ilgunas lived out for the teacher.

    Know before dating while attending graduate students.